I have been away for a LONG time… a lot of things have been going on that I have been sad to write about. I have been overjoyed with the twins but so many other things lay heavy on my mind that words just do not come easy to me at the time. I have debated on writing almost everyday and I will sit down to do so and then stop with the first sentence.
My life is chaotic, everyone knows this. There is little things that I control. This month marks the two years that someone so close to me has past away. It is unreal that it has been that long. It is crazy how much I miss him because he drove me crazy. I cry a lot about him, something that I never thought I would do. There is a huge gap in our family now that he is not here. I think everyday the “what if he were here” deal….how would things be different….he spent everyday at my house, he lived with us, I cooked dinner for him everyday…. The things that you take for granted….
So this brings me to my grandpa….last month he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s…it is something that we had talked about for a small time that could be happening but this horrible disease is something that you should never have to deal with. My grandpa and I have always been very close. People have always said that he is where I get my mix up from. I have always said things backwards, used the wrong words, I have always laughed about it…. And I liked that I got it from him. I am the only granddaughter so that makes our relationship even more special. As I write this I cant stop but cry because I love him so much and I find myself not wanting to go see him because he is not the same as what he used to be. I feel horrible because I have already lost someone that I would give up a whole lot to just have at the house for one more day but then someone who lives five minutes from me I tend to drag my feet. My heart is broken. I feel like things are just not what they should be.